so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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