dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
