If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
