guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We have started to decorate penises.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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