I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
