I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
