After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
