Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
