Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I party with great urgency now.
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