at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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