call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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