Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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