I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
