I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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