Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
