I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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