I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
