Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
