and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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