I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
