they need to just BURY HIM!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
