Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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