WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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