Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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