There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
