Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
