My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
