get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
