This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
