you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
