so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
