He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
