I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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