Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize