Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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