return my video game
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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