Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
