...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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