I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I touched a dick in church today
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
