I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
