Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
my poor anus
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
