she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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