apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
