i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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