I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
