dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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