Whod you bang
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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