I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize