Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
