soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
