i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
