Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
