Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
