accomplished twins. life is a go
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
