My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
