if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Randomize
