why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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