whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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