??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
