Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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