I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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