I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
