I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
