I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
