i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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