The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
