OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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